Miracle Man’s Medicinal Mudpack
A reflection by Rev. Dr. Thom Bower
For March 26, 2017, the Fourth Sunday of Lent
Based on John 9:1-41
I am here today to talk to you about Miracles Man’s Medicinal Mud Mask, a time tested earth facial treatment. This rich and creamy clay mask helps tighten loose, sagging skin while relaxing tired facial muscles to soften lines and wrinkles and helps relax tired facial muscles through cleansing logged pores by drawing out imbedded excess oils and dirt purging any and all of those places where sinful impurities might linger and interfere with your divinely-ordained beauty.
Our proprietary blend of the finest imported mineral clays, is softened and enhanced with spring water, mineral water, and purified water further enriched with walnut oil and botanical extracts to help you look and feel more beautiful. We also blend ingredients from a wealth of formulas time-tested in Traditional Oriental Apothecaries and a healthy helping of Himalayan herbs and Dead Sea minerals carried by convoys of camel caravans.
This combination provides Vitamins A, C, and E for healthy and rejuvenated skin; Beta carotene to undo damage from free radicals; and a healthy dose of Omega 3 fatty acids comparable to salmon, sardines, and fortified eggs. Using our face mask is almost as good as eating blueberries, strawberries, grapefruit, Kale, spinach, peppers and a large serving of stir-fried vegetables. Don’t get me wrong: a large plate of fruits and vegetables can be mighty satisfying, but Miracle Man’s Mud Mask is a whole lot simpler – and simple will help you relax and enjoy life.
Whether using the Miracles Man’s Medicinal Mud Mask to give yourself a full pak, quick pak, minispak mani-pedipak, fanypak or full back our product will refresh and restore the epidermis, dermis, and hypodermis by exfoliating and removing deep-seated impurities, purging pores of dirt, dust, and excess oils while firming, refining, and conditioning, removing blackhead and dead cells, pulling out a variety of toxins including heavy metals, radiation, and infection from the body – leaving your skin feeling clean, soft, and pure.
Indeed, clinical studies conducted by our scientists certified and employed by Miracle Man Medicinals suggest Miracle Man’s Mud Mask even improves circulation all in one simple application. And while it is against recommended application process (and so we cannot advocate taking Miracle Man’s Mud Mask orally), we are given to understand it may improve digestive health. Our apothecarial experts have even told me The Miracles Man’s Medicinal Mud Mask just may remove your sins, your parents’ sins, and perhaps even your grandparent’s sins thereby cleansing and purifying your mind, body, and spirit.
That said, following our recommended application instructions, an application of our paste-like preparation, used on the face as a cosmetic restorative, can be used as a “pick-me-up” when you feel tired, for looking your best when you’re preparing to go out for an evening or helping you relax before going to bed knowing your prayers have been answered. No matter when you use it, your complexion will have a clearer, smoother, more youthful looking appearance. Don’t you and your loved ones deserve a healthier and more beautifully radiant you?
Now, yes I did indeed hear of that man in Jerusalem claiming to have been healed of blindness with an application of mud. While I fully stand behind The Miracles Man’s Medicinal Mud Mask and its medicinal methods I will not claim it can cure blindness – especially blindness from birth. That sort of malady is usually the result of the sins of the person or perhaps even their parents or grandparents. It is God’s way of making sure we stay pure and righteous.
Apparently this man from Galilee claimed this unfortunate’s blindness was in order that God’s glory might be revealed. And then what does this Galilean do? He makes a very poor substitute for The Miracles Man’s Medicinal Mud Mask by spitting onto the ground to make a mud with his saliva. Now I know they say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but I am not flattered by this surrogate remedy. Dirt from the roadside is no match for our mineral enriched imported clays and spit?! Well, I don’t care from whose mouth it comes it is not as trustworthy as our proprietary blend of spring water, mineral water, and purified water. Yes indeed, spit and dirt do make mud, but I highly doubt that it would qualify as a miracle mud mask.
I hear you shouting back there. I know your claim: it’s not the mud mask which is the miracle but the man who is the miracle, the delivery of grace, the evidence of God’s presence among us. But I ask you: is this unique miraculous grace that resides within one single solitary man more reliable than a replicable recipe which can be passed from father to son, mother to daughter, generation from generation?
And I suggest to you that this Man in Galilee was engaged in some sort of medicine man showmanship. For the way I hear it, when this blind man returned to his neighborhood his friends, his own family, and even the Pharisee leaders of his religious community did not recognize him and were suspicious that he had not been blind from birth. Just what sort of mischief is this man from Galilee trying to pull over on us?
I ask you, good citizens, what sort of respectable medicine man is willing to share their healing skills and knowledge – especially one so miraculous as making the blind see – for absolutely nothing? Where’s the profit in such a venture? What’s the payoff? How will he ever pay dividends to his investors? I am asking about the motivation of this man from Galilee: why would he go around healing people for free – especially people who cannot pay him back?! A blind beggar has nothing to offer him. You know very well health comes at a high cost, and so we need the best insurances against disease, maladies, and corruption. Those kind of insurances can only be gained by high premiums and well-document and certified medicinal pedigrees.
Yes, I have heard how thankful the formerly blind man was. I have heard how he has been praising God for this amazing grace. I have heard he has become a follower of this man from Galilee, sharing responsibilities in caring for others who cannot pay for miraculous cures and spreading the teachings of this vagrant vagabond.
So now, I say to you, The Miracles Man’s Medicinal Mud Mask will not cure blindness eliciting the God-lifted praises of those who now see. If you seek such a cure I suggest you go find this man from Galilee and see just what he can offer you. What I offer you today is The Miracles Man’s Medicinal Mud Mask the most marvelous Mediterranean mud mask mixture available on the market today. Is anyone interested in what I’m selling, or do you think this man from Galilee has something better to offer?