Lost

I’m feeling a little lost. 

I’ve had quite a traumatic life and it’s only somewhat settled down recently. 

Even though I’m not experiencing the same level of trauma anymore  it doesn’t feel like I’ve made it out the other side at all. 

I seem to struggle a lot with things that others around me seem to find manageable. (I also think I’m severely behind people my age due to my trauma) And it’s been making me feel bad. 

It doesn’t help that I get these depressive episodes (which has been happening a lot more lately)  Where I just don’t even want to move. Don’t even want to eat. Or do anything (I force myself to function though even though it’s very hard) 

I just wonder sometimes what was the point of surviving all that trauma when I’ve just ended up as this half-functioning half-falling apart perosn. 

It’s like walking on a broken leg. I’m moving forward but at what cost? 

I don’t know if this is me asking for advice. Or a rant but I’d love some opinions on this.