is she toxic? or just being a mom?

the title may seem confusing, but this isn’t about my mother. It is about my boyfriend’s mother. For context, me and my boyfriend have been dating for 2 years now. At first, I was shy and didn’t talk a lot and only saw my boyfriend on the weekends, maybe a few times during the week but only July 4th, 2024 I moved in with him due to some issues at my house dealing with my parents. His mother and sister both live in the house as well. We are working on saving to move out but due to me losing my job, it isn’t going too well. Anyways, I’ve been living here for 5 months now. At first, things were fantastic. Me and my boyfriend have always been good & we tell each other everything. We RARELY ever argue or bicker with each other. But, about 2 months ago my bf got a call about a credit card that he owed $4,000 on. He was confused and had NO clue what these people were talking about. They told him his name & social security number were linked to the card but the email for the card was his moms. He came home & asked her about it and she told him that she got the card during a rough time financially & had to put it in his name bc her credit was bad. She has had NUMEROUS credit cards before & that’s what ruined her credit. He logged into the account to see the date is was opened and it was about 7 months ago, which is when she had a job that brought $60,000 home in just a month, so he knew she was lying. He ended up paying $2,000 on the credit card to try and fix his credit that she ruined. She woukd CONSTANTLY tell him she would start paying for it but never did. There’s still $2,000 left to pay off that no one has touched.

she’s also a RAGING alcoholic. She buys 3 6 liter bottles of wine every week & finishes them within 3 days. She only drinks 2 glasses every night & somehow gets “drunk” to the point she blacks out. I found out that she had pain meds hidden that she stole from her 85 year old mother who has dementia. She mixes the meds with the alcohol. Whenever she’s called out for being a drunk, she always says she’s fine and she doesn’t have a problem. She has stolen money from my boyfriend & her mom to buy her wine. The complains CONSTANTLY about being broke but the wine is $50 a bottle.

if me and my boyfriend ever have an argument of any kind, she always makes sure she steps in & gives her opinion. She will make it out to be my fault, no matter what it’s about. She will tell me I need to communicate better, I need to stop shutting down & talk things out, & that our relationship will never work if I don’t do better bc she “can’t allow her son to deal with that like she used to”.

She’s VERY controlling over my boyfriend (he’s 21) and calls him at least 5 times a day. If me & him are in town, she will call and ask when we will be back. She told me that we needed to hurry home & not stay too long whenever we were at my house visiting my parents. She tells my boyfriend what he can & cannot buy. She tries to control his money & is constantly asking for money from him but she has talked HORRIBLY about me to him saying he spends his entire checks on me (which is NOT true) & she had no clue I could hear her. She told my bf that he owes her $500 every month to pay off his storage building & we ended up calling the people bc they had been paying on his for 2 years so it should have been paid off but when we called we found out it had been paid off for 4 months, yet she continued to tell him it wasn’t. She denied and denied whenever he called her out & has tried since then to get him to pay the $500 for said building.

she will do my laundry even though I ask her VERY kindly not to. I hate people touching my things. She has stolen underwear, shorts, leggings, shirts, bras, etc. from me. She claims that my things ended up in her laundry which I KNOW is false bc I keep up with everything of mine and NEVER wash my clothes with anyone else’s. She did my laundry for me one morning when I had asked her not to and I was sitting right in front of her when she walked into the laundry room. She closed the door when she went in which she NEVER does & the only reason I know she did my laundry is because I could hear her open up the dryer door & I had put my clothes in the dryer 45 minutes before. whenever she walked out, I had my back turned and as she was walking out of the door, I saw she had her hands up to her chest. I went to check my clothes to see if anything had been taken & sure enough things had. I asked her if she had seen the items while she was doing my laundry & she said “I don’t believe I did” so the next day whenever she went to work, I went to check her room and found what was missing. I knew they were mine because I initialed ALL of my clothes for that very reason.

there is honestly SOOOOOOO much more but those are just the few things I felt like sharing. Throughout all of this, my boyfriend has been VERY defensive & has helped me whenever she has done things like this. We have never once allowed her to get in between us. we also are trying really hard to move out but like I said, since losing my job isn’t been very difficult for us to save up.

so, with all of that being said. what do you guys think? does she have a problem? is she toxic, crazy, etc. or just a normal mother? what would you guys do???