Feeling lost

I feel like I am stuck in life. Everyone is moving and doing amazing things in life and I am so lost. I want to trust god that he has a plan for me but I just don’t know. I don’t know if the life I am leading is mine. I am not the greatest Christian. I am not disciplined and pick and choose when being a Christian is convenient to me.

how do I change? How do I stay disciplined and devoted to god?

I feel like I have been waiting to hear god in my life. To hear him tell me what I need to do in life. What path to follow. I should trust god but why do I feel so lost and empty. I keep telling myself that god is the answer and that if I become a good Christian he will answer all my prayers. But I have been failing. I feel like I am disappointing god and that’s why I can’t see him in my life. I don’t blame him though. I haven’t been a good daughter to him so why would he show up? Why would he answer my prayers or give me peace?

im sorry