I don’t know what to do
I feel completely lost. I have been with my husband for 10 years and we had our first baby girl last year. He was always affectionate and loving until we got married and it's like a switch turned in him and he has become lazy and only seems to care about himself.
I have moved all over the country for him for his work which I enjoyed but it's also made it very difficult to make friends and when we had our daughter that became clear that I was completely alone. He didn't want to get up when I told him I needed help in the morning (I'm talking 9am not 3 am) even thought he doctors told me to take it easy from a complication I still did all of the laundry, dishes and cleaning.
Things have only gotten worse. He is now in school so he switched to a part time job. I will give him that he worked until 11 some nights and has school from 9-3 4 days a week. But I work a full time job while being the primary care taker for out child and I picked up and extra job a few days a week plus donate plasma for some extra cash. I still do all of the household work even if he is home he doesn't even offer to help, like he will watch me do the dishes and go into the living room and each Tv. That's all he seems to do if he is home is sit on the *** couch and watch TV. If I need him to watch the baby bc I am working or something he sits and watched tv vs playing with her and then gets annoyed when she cry's at all.
If I try to bring any of this up it's always a "my like is harder, I'm busy, I'm never home, ets" there is always some excise about how my life is so much easier than his.
This is what really got me and I know it is so selfish but I got him a Christmas gift he has always wanted off of fb marketplace. Since we are struggling for money a little while he is in school I made sure to save up some cash and it was about 60$. My parents are always very generous at Christmas and always very generous at Christmas and asked what we wanted and I was so excited because I never get gifts and was excited to have something new but he decided we will need money (which we do since we have some unexpected medical bills coming up) so now we are just getting cash for Xmas.
This would be fine and I know it's selfish but now I guess that means he isn't getting me a gift either. I always try to get him really meaningful and useful gifts and I have gotten nothing. Last Xmas he just got me a visa gift card bc he "didn't know what I would want".
I also found out he is spending money on juuls and he does not think I know but like I said I do the cleaning so I find them and he has the charger in his backpack.
I just don't feel any kind of love or affection from him at all and when I try to tell him that he gets annoyed. Like all he cares about is football and complaining about whatever he saw on the internet. If I try to tell him something he changes the coco back to what he was saying and if I don't pay 100% attention to him then I'm the bad guy and it turns into a fight.
Thave no one to talk to or hang out with and I am just so lost.
@brightIdea8924
I am sorry you are going through this...... you obviously are going above and beyond. you have a child and i am sure you want what you once had and he will snap out of whatever... but unless he gets a huge wake up call he just won't. maybe it would be better to move home to your family and start over... i waited and waited for my person to help / not hide stuff and just stand up and be the man i loved but he did not if i could go back and was in your shoes i would leave.
@brightIdea8924 hi, feel free to message me. I’m a mom of 2 and while I don’t have marital stress like this, I don’t want you to feel alone. I would be happy to be a listening ear. 🩷
@brightIdea8924 I've heard of these situations and they sound absolutely defeating. I am so sorry that you have to deal with this. You clearly work hard to provide for your family and give your baby a good life. I saw at the end you said he never listens to you, so I would suggest taking some larger action to get him to finally listen to what YOU need for once. If you don't, he won't magically change. It will continue, and you could be stuck in a situation you clearly are desperate to get out of.
Therefore, withholding a gift for Christmas is not selfish at all, it's the perfect place to start. If you can't address an issue to him through words, do it through action. I urge you to be careful though, because this can easily devolve into an argument. That's where a support system is really helpful. It's amazing that you reached out now, because there are plenty of people (including myself) who can hopefully offer you some support if you need it or just someone to vent to. Apart from friends, is there any family you could ask for help? If not, I would suggest maybe trying to find any local mother meet-up groups in your area. They can be a ton of help and you could definitely make friends there. I realise this probably isn't possible, but I hope it could be a suggestion for the future. Finding a therapist is also a really good place to start in terms of a solid support system.
Don't lose hope, reaching out now is just the beginning. Also, please don't be afraid to make a stand against your husband, you are worth more than you think and deserve as much unwavering support as you clearly give your husband. 💗
It sounds as though he's become withdrawn and overwhelmed.
I can understand your pain with maybe feeling ignored and invalidated.
You are the one juggling certain things in reality while he is focused on other areas.
Hopefully someday he will be able to share more space with you and hopefully there are moments that you share that have joy.
Even through your pain I can see that you acknowledge his contributions through working and going to school.
I wish you good cheer through the holidays and that one day you can experience more of the warmth you guys once shared.
Congratulations on your baby girl.
You are strong.
You are showing her strength.
Good luck.
@brightIdea8924 I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I really hope things get better
