How do I move on?

Have you ever watched a movie about that girl that everyone hates as a character because she lets everything pass, she's a pushover and she's in love with a guy who treats her like *** and you get angry for her when she isn't even angry but happy he can accept her? Yeah as much as I hate to say it that was me.

I've liked this guy since 4 years ago and honestly I know I shouldn't have pursued him for so long but he was everything I ever wanted. From teasing me, to calling cute couple names to cheering me up when I cried and I felt content to just be like this with him but then he started showing signs of him liking me and then I told him how I felt but nothing happened which left me confused, I was hurt and angry, I even gave him the silent treatment because I wanted his attention but nothing still happened when I told him that I'm not sure he likes me the way I do because I wanted us to have a relationship, I wanted more than just the 20 minutes conversations and the 5:00am texts but he got really angry and said he hates people who make assumptions. I had felt dreadful, I caused the relationship to end, I had heard from someone he told that he swore "he'll never date me"

I had to fix the relationship so I begged and he forgave but I couldn't bring myself to voice out my thoughts as to why did he ignore for six months because I made an assumption on his feelings and didn't he miss me at all. Then the cute names stopped and the 5:00am texts died and I tried so hard to keep it alive to the point that I'd post goofy things on my status to get him to laugh and it worked for awhile until it stopped and he started saying that I'm depressed because I send all this content despite me being a people pleaser and pushover and it hurt because i knew I was but i wanted to embrace him, he ignored me for three months because i was pathetic and then I had to beg just for him to forgive me again.

Now 2024, when I told him I don't like fact that he only asks me for things when he needs something from me he insulted every part of my actions from low self esteem to my supposed "*** mentality" to the part that he thinks that I tell him my problems to distract him from the conversation when I just wanted him to know what I was going through and they were so painful that I cried for weeks, why are his words always so cruel.

And yet I still remembered all those sweet words buried in the past of 2 years ago and I hate myself because I can't move on from him despite me trying to assertively speak my mind and finding hobbies, understanding my behavior and trying to be the best version of myself, the sight and thought of him makes me crash.

Am I a fool or is this a curse?

Sorry this is too long