Wanted: Friendship Advice For Highly Sensitive Person!
Hello! I am having a problem with a few of my friends being slow to reply to texts. Or, in a lot of instances, they just don’t reply at all. And both of these behavior patterns tend to bother me. Especially when I put so much thought and effort into texting them. And it isn’t reciprocated. I also, sometimes, like to send them pictures and gifs, but most of the time, they don’t make any comment about them. And I wonder if they ever received them. And because I am an “HSP”, or highly sensitive person, I tend to feel things very deeply, so it really hurts my feelings, when they are either slow to reply to my texts, or don’t reply at all.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind if it takes them hours, or sometimes, even several days to reply. But what bothers me is that one of these friends tends to not reply, at all, to my texts, on a very regular basis. And she usually doesn’t even reply, if I send her pictures or gifs.
In addition, I have two other friends that do the same thing and sometimes, don’t even reply to texts that are wishing them a happy birthday or holiday wishes. And two of the three of these friends also go through periods of time, where they are slow to call me back, after I’ve called them.
I also want to add that one of these friends doesn’t like to text, but my feeling on it is that it only takes less than a minute and sometimes even less than 30 seconds, to just send back a quick text of acknowledgment. Yet, most of the time, they don’t even do that for me.
I also have told one of these friends, ie the one that doesn’t like to text, that it hurts my feelings when she won’t even take the time to send me back s quick text of acknowledgment. And though she apologized to me for it, she only improved in her text communication with me, for a short time. And then she went right back to being slow to reply, or mostly not replying at all.
When these friends are slow to reply, or don’t reply at all to my texts, it makes me feel like they don’t care about my feelings. Or that they take my reaching out to them for granted.
I have thought about talking to them about this, but I’ve only talked to one of them, so far and because she just went right back to this hurtful behavior, I am reluctant to talk to her, again, about it. I also worry that if I try to talk about this to my other two friends that they may think it comes across as weak or needy. Because I don’t think any of them are as sensitive as me. And I’m afraid they won’t understand why this behavior bothers me. So I am reluctant about talking to them about it.
Do any of you feel hurt about this stuff? And how should I handle these situations? Should I talk to them about it? Or just keep it to myself and continue to be miserable about it?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks so much for reading!
Hi there, I hear you, and I can understand how deeply frustrating and hurtful it must feel when you’re putting in the effort to reach out to your friends and not getting the same in return. It sounds like you're really trying to connect, but the lack of response or acknowledgment is making you feel unnoticed and unappreciated. That can be incredibly tough, especially when you're an HSP and experience emotions deeply.
It’s completely normal to feel upset when people we care about don’t respond the way we hope, especially when we put thought and care into our communication. It’s understandable that you would feel hurt by the lack of acknowledgment, and it’s okay to feel frustrated when this happens repeatedly.
You’re doing your best to navigate your emotions while also trying to maintain those friendships. It makes sense that you would feel conflicted about talking to them again, given how the previous conversation didn’t bring lasting change. The fact that you're reflecting on all of this shows how much you care about these relationships, and it's clear that you want things to improve.
It’s also okay to feel unsure about how to handle the situation—sometimes, it’s hard to balance our own feelings with the way others act. It’s natural to want to be understood and not feel like your needs are being dismissed. I really hope you're able to find a way to take care of yourself through this.
You're not alone in feeling this way, and your feelings are completely valid!
Hello, Nailea. Thank you so much for responding to my thread! When I posted this thread, a few weeks ago, it didn’t show up, after I initially posted it, so I didn’t think the post went through successfully. And I have been away from 7 Cups, until today, so I just got your reply.
I really appreciate your input and for taking the time to express your thoughts and support me. I also have excellent news to report that the situation had been resolved with one of my friends and she is being very attentive and we have gotten much closer, as a result of that!
But I am still having a problem with my other friend and I am thinking about addressing the situation with her by phone. The problem id that she is very hard to reach, because she works multiple jobs and is hard to get ahold of by phone, or text. So we tend to go back and forth with leaving voice mail for each other, And ever since the pandemic, we rarely ever get together in person. Though we have both expressed that we want to get together more and start hanging out in person, on a regular basis again. But the problem is that she seems to put her jobs above everything and everyone else. I also recently found out that she is literally working around the clock and has only been allowing herself a few hours of sleep a night. This is workaholism and while I understand that maybe she either needs or wants the money, I feel strongly that there is more to it than that. As in my opinion, it isn’t healthy to work that many hours without even allowing herself enough time to get even a fair amount of sleep.
Thank you so much for your reply. Wishing you all the best.🌺
Wow. From one Orchid HSP to another, I feel you.
You've done a great job of navigating these experiences and I am learning from you.
I'm happy to hear things went well with your one friend.
I agree that workaholism isn't good for any of us! And it is especially inspiring to hear how much effort you out into your relationships.
Because you didn't give up, because you sought input from the community - you are finding your way.
A friend like you would be a gift in my book!
I tell you even I have been in this exactly same situation. And I am still struggling with it.
I have done everything I could at this point in time with the mindset I had because I have been struggling with some issues in my life as well!
And it really hurts when you want your friend's deep support and they find themselves so occupied to not text back. And as you said, despite of knowing that they just missed out and didn't do it deliberately. They just don't change. And continue to repeat.
I really don't know how to go about it! Because I just don't feel clarifying anything now. Sometimes, the other side should also speak up and volunteer as relationships require two sided involvement
