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stormieandpaws
10 12,536 M Pacing Forward 8
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts1,779 Forum posts190 Forum upvotes227 Current upvotes227 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2024 Member sinceOctober 15, 2024
Recent forum posts
spacig out trigger warning
Personality Disorders Support / by stormieandpaws
Last post
 1 day ago
...See more this week been kinda a nightmare. we was snowed in for few days. then our checking account got hacked. so we had long day Friday trying to get that sorted out too. we not had for long time lost time or spacing out. but the stress of getting checking account  hacked. kinda put us into spacing out and i lost a little time. been very confused too. our system  mostly works as a team. this took a lot of hard healing work to  get to this point. so when space out or lose time feel like steps backwards so little down about this too. was DXed with DID long time ago. for me it explained a lot. but still hard to live with. it kinda like having a whole community  within. wonder if others with DID. have a inside world they can see. this to many  sounds odd. when spacing out it like i go into the inside world. many things there to clam a person. so not even sure why we seem to need that more now. we very hard on self. so not liking the spacing out at all.
Christmas
Religion & Spirituality / by stormieandpaws
Last post
 1 day ago
...See more want to share one of my writing with you all. we not share most them. but seeing it christmas time and this a Christmas one. we going to share it. we hope that ok. Meaning of Christmas It that time of year, Christmas is here. Now the truth of Christmas happened long ago with Jesus Christ birth. See it not just about that day long ago, it so much more. The birth of Jesus was the start, but not the full story. we as sinners were separated from Father God due to sin. He had to turn His back to us. we due to our sinful nature turned our backs on Him. The relationship was blocked,we could not work our way to heaven at all. but the birth of Jesus was the start to the hope for all of us. It was promise long before it happened. As the birth of Jesus is about His mission, He came to die to save them by faith that would accepted Him. He walked with us lived among us fully God and fully man. He did not sin at all lived a perfected life as a man. Then He layed His life down on cross that restored our way back to being able to have a Relationship with Father God. From the manger to the blood shed on the cross, a amazing thing happened. The manger lead to the cross. His blood shed on a cross. His death was not the end at all, as He three days rose from the tomb. defected death once for all. redeeming all who will believe on His name, repenting of their sins. look do you see the cross that restored us to Father God. Now due to the birth, death of Jesus Christ and His rising from the tomb. we have away to be restored to right standing with Father God. so remember the manger was just the beginning of His mission to redeem us and restore us to Father God. He is the only way to Father God. He restore us due to He fulfilled the law, that could not save us. will you walk a life of following Jesus Christ. Accepting the gift of grace given to as many as will believe on His name. Blood of Jesus is only thing that can buy us back from the evil one. He is the only one who can save us. so when you think of the manger, think of the cross too. as the manger was the beginning to the cross, His blood shed for us. perfected lamb of God, He lay down His life on the cross to save as many that will accepted Him. Only His perfected blood could every pay the price for our sins. Grace is what He offers to anyone who will believe in their heart on His name. He is only way, He is the only true way to a restore relationship to Father God. So as you think of Christmas are you accepting the greatest gift of all. That is the gift of grace by His birth,life living among us without sinning. His died on the cross, His blood shed for us. then His rising from death to life again. Perfected gift, only perfected gift ever given to mankind. Will you open this perfected gift , then use this perfected gift. As a gift given without being opened is of no use at all. Open this gift that was given to us at Christmas, long ago. As the manger lead to the cross, then to the open tomb. That when one accepted this perfected gift by grace given to us. One get the only true freedom from spiritual death. Believe and accepted this perfected gift,given to us as a tiny baby. The truth of Christmas time is within His mission here on earth. That was to died on the cross and rise from the tomb. The mission to make away for us to be in right standing with Father God. Our God living and active within each one who will believe on His name, repent of ones sins. So you can have life everlasting through Jesus Christ. Christmas time a time to remember all that Jesus Christ did for us. by stormie and paws
trigger warning feeling trapped
Personality Disorders Support / by stormieandpaws
Last post
 Saturday
...See more no sure this right place to put this. me is insider of stormie. me feeling trapped inside unhealthy body physical. me no it not our fault why be unhealthy. but me miss all we use o be able to do when body was young.  yes me can still do them things inside in our world there. but me miss being able to do them on the  outside in real world. me know this sound self centered too but just hard then flashbacks about our best friend who mommy killed her due to her daddy was to get her and her sisters. he already win in court. but they be stupid even with him winning they left kids with their mom to finsh school year. she said he never ever get them alive and she met it. our friend gone. only one lived was oldest girl. keep thinking of best friend how me could have maybe saved her if only we told what was going on. but both us was being abused we only shared with each other why was me no brave enough  to tell as could have saved her so wish me could  go back do it over make it come out different  we still miss her a lot even 45 years  later how can a mom did that to her own kids why would one do that all the questions and no answers trapped without away out and seem me voice no be heard when me risk talking too just be angry  and sad tonight think them right words for how me  feeling but maybe  not as us was told when we said how we felt that we did no feel that way then told how we was feeling so maybe me wrong about how me feeling hope me put this in right place was told to trigger warn it so me did
Goodness of God Song by Bethel Music and Jenn Johnson
Religion & Spirituality / by stormieandpaws
Last post
 November 28th
...See more this song has deep meaning to us. we claimed it as one of our life songs. as we accepted  Jesus Christ very young and He was why we got through the abuse too. He always faithful even when it seem like He not. we know many times He ran after us also many times He kelp us from worst abuse too. so we love this song as for us it very personal. it  like they wrote it about our relationship with God  Goodness of God I love You, Lord Oh Your mercy never fails me All my days, I've been held in Your hands From the moment that I wake up Until I lay my head Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God And all my life You have been faithful And all my life You have been so, so good With every breath that I am able Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God I love Your voice You have led me through the fire And in darkest night You are close like no other I've known You as a Father I've known You as a Friend And I have lived in the goodness of God, yeah And all my life You have been faithful, oh And all my life You have been so, so good With every breath that I am able Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God, yeah 'Cause Your goodness is running after, it's running after me Your goodness is running after, it's running after me With my life laid down, I'm surrendered now I give You everything 'Cause Your goodness is running after, it's running after me And all my life You have been faithful And all my life You have been so, so good With every breath that I am able Oh, I'm gonna sing of the goodness of God I'm gonna sing, I'm gonna sing (oh, God) 'Cause all my life You have been faithful And all my life You have been so, so good With every breath that I am able Oh, I'm gonna sing of the goodness of God Oh, I'm gonna sing of the goodness of God
trigger warning shamed
Self-Harm Recovery / by stormieandpaws
Last post
 December 3rd
...See more not sure why this still bothering me so much. years ago was with mom at store and a lady we never met befor was in line ahead of us. mom did not know her but they started talking. then mom said to her this is my crazy daughter  who cuts herself. we felt  so much shame over it still do.  we been self harm free for few years  now,  but it a daily fight for us too. my mom shamed us a lot even as a child. she know my brothers were sexually and other ways abusing us too. but she turned away from us left us being abused. we know now this was due to her whole life being abused. but that not make it right but get that her normal too. so she also kelp saying you know when you hurt yourself your hurting me. family made fun of our self harm a lot. we just learned that things we did even before 2yr was self harm but no one at all ever tried to help us as a kid. we remember very young pulling handfuls of hair out and biting self even hitting head on wall. mom only punish us or would say wait until your dad get home. we use to sneak  moonshine out of icebox and then put water in the jar to make look like none was gone. but that numbed us. did that from like 3yr and up to around yr. same with cutting started at around 7yr. no one said a thing to us about the cuts. no one even asked about how we got hurt. mom would tell others we was accident  prom people believed her. we stopped all self harm around 12yrbut we started  back up when was expecting our son, thank due to we started having flashbacks hearing alters too. also my girls who both looked like me when i was child were around same ages that the worst of the sexual abuse happened at. but this time was way worst even to point had staples in my one leg. mom used me to get pity she when we went into pychward or had been in ER she call others. she say things like she went to ER again cut self really bad or she back in pychward. even when we was losing our 3 kids to government  she made it about her and seek pity from everyone. this did not help me at all as it put me in a self harm cycle. but when we moved  away from family  in may of 2017 the self harm got less and less. then stopped thinking mom shaming us  played buf role in the self harm. as a child  think it was us seeking to be seen and cared for too. but also to be saved and well just loved. mom abused us too but that even brings more shame and makes us sick what she did to us.  it one of the things been hard to talk about too. people think moms can not abuse their girls in way we talking about. think mom kinda feed our need to self harm as she got attention and pity from others. more we learn about what seen as self harm we see we did it from young age up. feel good to be self harm free at this time and we safe too.
holiday seasonwhat happened when young and what you do now trigger warning
Personality Disorders Support / by stormieandpaws
Last post
 November 12th
...See more with the holidays  seasons  beginning  we was thinking of this question? what do you do now at holidays  and is it different  then when young ? Trigger warning we have began to  change our thoughts on holidays  and what we do in the holiday  season different  now.  when we was young growing up holidays  were not good times for us. we did get gifts and we did have family  holiday  meals too. but we lived in fear of holiday  break from school. due to we be mostly alone with brothers and under their care. this really was not safe at all. my dad did not know what my brothers were doing to us at them school breaks. but we believe mom did and she did nothing to keep us safe even put us in danger.  so yes my brothers  and their friends abused me other times of the year. but Christmas break from school was the worst we feel. as both parents were gone all day. not going to go into details  about the abuse other then to say it was sexual abuse, mental abuse, physical  abuse emotional abuse verbal abuse and spiritual abuse at the hands of my two brothers who are 2yr and 4yr older then me and their friends too. then on Christmas day even thanksgiving  day there be the big meal and dad getting drunk and mean. this what happened most my childhood. but now we do things different  for thanksgiving  we have meal either at home alone and  going online or we go to the mental health club. have a mean with others and do few other things too. Christmas we came to do things way different  not spend anytime with family at all. we call dad say merry Christmas to him and mom, but that it. this to some may sound odd. but we buy few gifts for them in system little things mostly. some small toys that the inside little been asking for and few gifts for adults in system  too.  we for Christmas  either go to mental health club or make nice meal. we sometimes watch Christmas  movies in the holiday  season too. but the big thing is we doing them a new way a safe way too. so question how are the holidays  different  for you and then why ?
learning more about recovery
Addiction Support / by stormieandpaws
Last post
 November 9th
...See more hi all today i went to a mental health day of education  and this one was on addiction. as one who still say i have one even after being sober since jan 2 2006. we came to see that when one has one they can relapses  even after years of being a none user. my story kinda seems odd to many but it my story each of  us have a different  story and on a journey  of recovery. my drinking first time started around age 1yr i  go behind my mom and dad finish their drinks. later on i would go into refrigerator  sneak moonshine that was always there. to not get found out i add water to the jars. but still not get why my parents did not see a issue as one time we was at my dad  union  yearly cook out and i get my dad bosses daughter  to sneak a 44oz glass of beer from the kag. my dad was not upset i got drunk he was more upset i embarrassed  him. we both could have died as all they did was put  us on a blanket and have us sleep it off. but why i drank was to numb the pain i felt as was being abused in many ways by few family members and their friends. but it odd as at  around age 11yr i stopped drinking and did not drink as a teen and young adult. but after i lost my kids to state and parental rights too. then left my now ex i went off the deep end. after i end up in coma  and family was told i most likely  would never come out of it and if i did there be many lasting effects. but God had different  plans i guess as i came out of it 3 days later and walked out of hospital a hour later. had no lasting effects. but no one would at first believe i had a drinking problem seeing i did not drink daily and could go a long time without drinking. my  issue is i am a binge drinker so i hide my drinking well. also i drank alone not with other people. the coma was in july 2005. so even when i tryed AA others within it were kinda mean said i was not a alcoholic due to i could go a long time without drinking and well they just dismissed my issues. i was already DXed with a few mental health issues too. but at last  i was believed by a place that dealt with additions  and even after going through there place and not stopping the binge drinking. they said i was kinda hopeless and did not give much hope of recovery at all. but then new years day 2006 i went on a binge. before i had never got sick from drinking never had a hangover. but this time i got very sick with the drinking. that was last time i drank been sober  since jan 2 2006, but  even today i know i still in recovery one day at a time is all i can do. sadly my family has worked angest me offered me drinks even telling me i not have a issue with drinking. but i see now most them do is why and they not seeking help at all. today i also had my eyes opened to self harm being a addiction  too. so this also explained a lot about actions as a child and adult too.  we been self harm free  now for about 4 years, but it to is at times hard to fight that too. so yes we believe recovery a journey  that one day at a time as can handle only one day at a time too. will  say we been struggling  with thoughts of needing to self harm and yes even after all this time we some days struggled  with wanting a drink but we know if we took one drink it would lead to more and well end badly too so this is my path to addictions  and my path into recovery just one day  at a time
path away from not being someone to being seen for being someone
Gateway to Growth Paths / by stormieandpaws
Last post
 October 30th
...See more this may seem  crazy to more, but it what we have lived. seem like all my life i was not allowed to be a full person. seem like i was  just seen as my mom daughter  and my brothers sister. many did not call me by my name at all. some even thought i was just like my mom with her likes and dislikes. no one asked me  what i personally liked and dislikes. this made me feel like i was  no one at all. may 2017  i moved to different  city in same state. first time in my life  i been not close to were my  family  lives. so people now here know me as me call me by name. even ask questions about my likes and dislikes. this even after more then 7yr still feel odd, but to others it be normal to  have name used and asked questions about self. not even sure why it just feel odd to me. here i living free from  them who abused me. not even  hear from family members much. but i also find myself at times lost to what i like and dislike it just so new to me still. feel kinda crazy writing this out even most would know answers to what they truly like and dislike but i question that a lot
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