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Fiyaa06
5 371 M Embraced 3
PathStep 17 Compassion hearts24 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2024 Member sinceNovember 27, 2024
Bio

Hello, I'm Fiya. I'm suffering with depression, overthinking and anxiety. I struggle a lot with insomnia and I'm suicidal. I'm trying my very best to overcome these things but, it's hard because I'm still living in the place where all my problems stem from and right now, I can't leave. I want to overcome my issues because I want to better myself. I'm tired of living in this toxic environment and I'm tired of trying to bottle it up.


If anyone has any similar issues and you need to talk, I'm here. I'm no professional but I'll try my best to help and cheer you up, because someone taught me to hold on, even when I couldn't anymore, and when I can't hold on anymore he holds onto me, even when I don't want him too.


I want to be like that for someone else, nobody should have to experience pain in general but, no one should ever have to go through it alone.


If you would like to talk, I'm here, I may not be able to respond immediately but I'll try to respond regardless.


Keep holding on, you're more than enough.

Recent forum posts
I hate myself
Depression Support / by Fiyaa06
Last post
 November 28th
...See more I struggle a lot with depression and anxiety. I'm 18 years old and I'm already feeling like a failure and someone who isn't worthy of love or care. When I tell people about my problems they always tell me to go out more and go have fun, come out the house more but the truth is, I can't. I have very strict parents, I can't go anywhere without them coming with me, and I have a rocky relationship with my parents. Some days we're really good and others days we aren't. My parents get mad at me for the simplest of things. Today, my mom got *** off at me for not locking up the house on time (It takes less than a minute and we didn't leave till like 5 minutes later). But I felt really bad. I always try to take the blame for anything, even if logically it isn't my fault. Anytime my parents or anyone raises their voice at me I start to cry and panic, sometimes I shake. I replay all the things my parents called me when I was younger in those moments. They would give me names like, "selfish, horrible, I'm a terrible person" and many more. I'm tired to permanently off myself. I've been struggling with that since I was 13 years old, I'm 18 years old now and I still struggle with it. I have a boyfriend and he knows about about my problems and tries to help me. I made a promise to him that I wouldn't off myself, but everyday it gets increasingly harder. I became "that" because of my parents. They always wanted me to be this "perfect person" and anytime I didn't achieve that goal they would get mad at me. I won't go into details about how I tried to off myself but I attempted it 4 times already. I always find myself plotting my own death. My boyfriend tells me to talk to him anytime I get that close again but if I were to tell him when I plan that I would be talking to him eveyday. We talk everyday and we talk about many things, I try my best never to bring those topics up with him because he's sensitive to it, and even when he tells me to, I still struggle to open up to him because of my past experiences. When I told my parents I was "that" and I told them why (because of them), they told me that it's not their fault for me wanting to off myself and that I should be ashamed for trying to blame them for it. I don't feel happy, every positive emotion feels temporary. I want full happiness, I want to be able to breathe. I don't want to live in a house where I have to keep gambling for my own happiness. I always talk down on myself, I have trauma and I just want out. I can't help but feel like a failure. There is so much I want to say but I can't get the words out. I plan to move to the US and start a life out there, because it's always been my dream. I'm making small steps to that journey but it feels so long and hard to achieve. Right now, I'm doing a course that will help me be able to get employed in the States. I just want to be happy with myself, I just want to love myself. (Sorry for any mistakes in spelling, I tend to miss words when I'm venting.)
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